Friday, January 20, 2012

Narcissistic Personalities to the Rescue...

What’s that? Do you see it? In the air? Flying up from the very depths of Orcland to SAVE THE DAY – and Rob’s career. 

Why, it’s SUPERNINNY!!!!

Yes, fandom, we have our own brand of superhero, here to rescue Rob and his career from ever being stuck in
Twi-drudgery, and stuck with Kristen, of course. *winkwink*

You see, ladies and gentlemen (and we know there are at least a few gentlemen who do read this blog), the ninnies have taken it upon themselves to be Rob’s own personal saviors by voting (and voting), and voting, oh, and voting, and voting again, and voting some more, and voting in the morning, at lunch, and even afterhours, in the MTV “Movie Brawl.” Did we mention they are voting? Yes, our faithful readers, these everyday superheroes are expending great amounts of energy, tanked up on copious amounts of Mountain Dew (not Diet), and Venti Quad Shot Double Mocha Lattes – with whip, thank you very much – in order to push Rob and
Cosmopolis into victory.

Ta da daaaaaaaaah! (Cue Super Hero music).


Too bad at the end of the day it will mean squat.

WHAAAAAAA? Say it ain’t so, BWAN!

You see, this kind of polling really only serves one purpose, which is to generate web hits.

And in reality, it is only attractive to people who feel the need to be validated; that by sitting all day, every day (and we do mean all day, every day), clicking on the Cosmopolis button while watching those voting percentages go up and up and up, gives them the false idea that what they say – and think – matters to the world at large, and more importantly, to Rob.

Here’s something more than a hint: IT DOESN’T.

Now, don’t get us wrong, we’re sure that Rob will be “thrilled”(?) to know that his fans have voted
Cosmopolis up the chain against any of these other movies. But let’s face it. We here at BWAN are realists, and we recognize that at the end of the day, and the end of the year, when it comes to the final tally, we’re pretty certain that Dark Knight Rises, The Hunger Games, Breaking Dawn Part 2 and yes, even Snow White and the Huntsman will win where it really matters – AT THE BOX OFFICE.

This has nothing to do with Rob. It does, however, have EVERYTHING to do with reality, and Cronenberg’s record bears this out.

While Cronenberg is a highly-talented director, his fan base remains largely cultish. With the exception of
The Fly, none of his films have achieved wide Box Office success (we are NOT saying they weren’t profitable), even though they have been highly praised by critics, and have fared well at awards ceremonies. Such are the pitfalls of indie films (as the ninnies like to remind people time and time and time again when bringing up Kristen’s “failed” acting career. But in those situations, of course, they blame Kristen, and not the independent films themselves). Another ninnie failure.

This made us LOL

It is easy to sit at one’s desk, or on one’s couch, or in one’s bed, and click on a mouse button until you need to file a Worker’s Compensation claim, or call the ER doctor for a sudden case of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, but we have to wonder, will the ninnies go see
Cosmopolis as many times as they voted for it? They made fun of certain Twi fans who went and saw Breaking Dawn, Part 1 multiple times (in one tweet we saw someone had gone more than 20 times). And we’re not judging, we’re just wondering if the ninnies are really so invested that they are ready, quite literally, to put their money where their fingers are. If they will support it at the Box Office as much as they seem to be trying to support it on a meaningless poll.

See? Reality.

A deadly little word, really, and a world the ninnies can’t conceptualize because their ideas are so rooted in the fantasy that if they do this “for Rob,” that it will somehow validate him even more and endear THEM to HIM. As if he will miraculously appear on their front doorsteps bearing gifts of Heineken and pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream as a personal “thank you” to each and every one of them. Or maybe send them more “super-seekrit” messages the next time he does a promotional tour. Sorry, folks, ain’t gonna happen.

But let’s get back to polls. We here at BWAN are, shall we say, neutral about polls of this nature. They are MEANINGLESS, and hold no bearing on any actor’s career. Really. All they are is online popularity contests which are often rigged by fans (****GASP****), who go to great extremes (NOOOO!!!), even cheating (US, WHY NEVURRRR!), to make their votes count.

And the poor ninnies fell for this hook, line and sinker. How so? Not only have they been voting all day, every day (see paragraph 3, above), they’ve cheated the system to do so.

Web polls in particular serve one thing and one thing only – to generate web hits. As much as the ninnies feel that Ted Casablanca and other gossip mongers (well, the ones they don’t like, that is) use “Robsten” and stories about Rob and Kristen to generate web hits, they are falling prey to the same kind of media scheming, only this time using movies as a ploy.

MTV knows how popular Rob is. They know how rabid the
Twilight (yes, the Twilight) and the Rob fan bases are. They used that to push a poll so they could generate more web hits. And do you know what they’ll do with that data? They’ll take it straight to their advertizing departments and say “GO FORTH, SELL MORE, RAISE OUR RATES!!! Did you see how many votes we got from the crazies?”

So see, ninnies? The only REAL impact you are having here is on MTV’s bottom line. Real effective, don’t you think?

Now, we’re not here to put down the hopes of the other Rob fans (yes, @edassx we ARE talking to you). We are by no means disparaging those individuals who feel the need to go on and throw in a vote here and there for the sake of Rob and
Cosmopolis. That is support.

But the false campaigning led by the ninnies on behalf of “Rob,” and the manipulating of the system by using proxy servers and other means to get past the IP address voting limitation blocks set by MTV bears that out. Why, the ninnies have even been actively recruiting people from other fandoms to vote for Rob. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And the ninnies have proven themselves as desperate as they can get.

And it’s not just all about Rob, but Kristen, as well.

You see, many are motivated as much by their adulation of Rob as they are by their dislike of Kristen.

How do we know this? The proof is in the polling.

In Round 1 of the MTV poll, they put on their Cedric Diggory quidditch Jerseys and clamored over to the Harry Potter fandom to vote for Woman in Black OVER Snow White and the Huntsman. Why? So they could get “that girl” out of the way. In their world, the more they can push “her” and “Twi” out of his life, the better it will be for HIS career. Of course, they are ONLY looking out for Rob’s best interests, being the super-hero fans that they are, of course.

We’re frankly surprised that they didn’t get all Darth Maul on us and push
Phantom Menace over Breaking Dawn, Part 2, but perhaps the greater Twilight fandom persevered just this once.

In Round 2, the campaign began in earnest, when
Cosmopolis, which had beaten Bel Ami in its first round (really, in this case that’s like choosing between Nutella with Strawberries and Nutella with a banana), faced Breaking Dawn, Part 2. Oops.

You see, this is where the “real” Rob fans donned their superhero cloaks and chanted “down with
Twilight,” “down with that girl!” “Real Rob fans vote for Cosmopolis!“Real Rob fans want to see his future, not see him chained to his past.” “Vote for anything that doesn’t have Kristen in it.”

Funny, we always thought “REAL ROB FANS” would be fans who support all of his work, regardless who his co-stars are, AND in spite of the fact that if it were NOT for
Twilight, we likely wouldn’t even have a Rob IN Cosmopolis. But alas, we digress.

So, the delusions set in – and as the desperation grew, so did the ninnies’ attempts to outwit the system. Cue the aforementioned proxy servers. See?

In Round 3, the semi-finals, after rhapsodizing victorious in their win over
Breaking Dawn, Part 2, ninnies took to the proxy servers again, working to recruit fans of other fan bases to see Cosmopolis topple Metropolis itself in Dark Knight Returns, and by nearly a 2-to-1 margin. What does this show? That either the Batman fanboys really don’t care (we’re certainly sure they’re not the ninnies’ color of desperate), or that the ninnies have WAAAAAAY too much time on their hands. In a normal year, and with a “normal” fanbase, we’d say this race would have been much closer.

So, here we are in the final round, with results, as of this writing at a near neck and neck.
Cosmopolis stands at 49.17% and The Hunger Games stands at 50.83%. And we’re willing to bet, proxy servers be damned, that Cosmopolis continues to eek up in the percentages. Why?


In the end, sadly, it will garner them nothing.

The ONLY thing they do is give the voters a false sense of power if their “choice” happens to win. Rob will not win an Oscar because ninnies pushed a button (or two, or three, or 924). Rob will not be lauded by critics for his work because nonstens took it upon themselves to vote “that girl” out of his career.

So, like countless victories before it, after the dust is settled, and the fizz is long gone from the Boone’s Farm Sparkling Wine bottles, this victory will be short-lived and empty. But they’ll trudge on, basking in the glow of whatever it is they really think they accomplished, trying to force Rob’s career forward rather than letting it happen organically as it should.

So, keep voting away. At least you’ll have some false satisfaction in that, even if reality is much, much different.

Oh. P.S. Did BWAN vote, you may ask? Well, to be perfectly honest, some of us did and some of us didn’t. Some will call us bad “fans” for not voting and others will lump us into some twisted ninnie version of a sheep infested shipperdom. Sheep. Ships. Except we see no Shepard over here. Nor do we see anyone wearing a captains hat. Unless we look to the ninnies. They have (lying) Shepard's aplenty. And a very hostile Captain.


The Flaming Cunts


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  2. You're so right. Everybody (or at least everybody with a little bit of common sense) knows that probably all the films of that poll are going to be much more successful in the Box Office than Cosmopolis. That poll is completely useless. Their lives must be really boring if they spend the whole damn day voting...

  3. While i appreciate your opinion on the matter, please know that there are several "sane" fans who are voting for the movie because it brings attention to a small movie.
    Yes, it OBVIOUSLY wont be a box office juggernaut like the others, but that's the whole point. It needs our support for that very reason. Sometimes, it's not about silly things like debating Rob and Kristen's relationship (they are together, either you support it or get over it already). SOmetimes, its just about supporting their career. I would be all over the polls for SW too...will you be doing a similar write-up for the MTV movie awards when Robsteners are hardcore voting for another meaningless poll?

  4. Some folks lack reading comprehension. The writers are not targeting those fans that vote legitimately on these polls, they are targeting those who are cheating. The way these polls are designed it should be one vote per person, not 100 per person. Cosmopolis will receive plenty of attention because Rob is the lead; it will not suffer the "it's a small movie, it needs attention" (like the poster stated above) because he is attached to it. Now if it was Jamie Bell in the lead role, then I could see all the voting to bring attention to it, but it's Rob and just the mention of his name brings alot of attention.