“A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.” – Hugh Downs
Those who have been in this fandom for some time are well aware of the ongoing divisiveness between Rob and Kristen supporters, and the particularly loathsome group known as “nonstens.” After all, we at BWAN wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them.
Like others, we’ve often asserted that one of the principle reasons for their consistent derision towards Kristen is that they are, on the core, grossly unhappy people.
So imagine while working on a post about empathy -- (nonstens, they don’t have it) -- when serendipity graced us with an article from purposefairy.com. The title of the post? “Fifteen Powerful Things Happy People Do Differently.”
We’ve said before that the nonstens’ continued outward expression of disdain towards Kristen is more a reflection of what they feel about themselves than anything else, but the more we read, the more we saw just how that manifested itself in many, multi-faceted ways.
Just what are these fifteen attributes?
We'll list a few here, adding our own comments, but we encourage everyone to read the entire article, which gives great perspective on how positive people lead happy, successful lives.
ACCEPTANCE vs. RESISTANCE. To paraphrase, happy people genuinely accept what is and don't try to force change on something that is out of their control. In nonsten nomenclature, this would be translated as: “not giving a fuck and then really NOT making an issue about it.”
Not so with the ninnies. Their idea runs more along the lines of “claiming to not give a fuck but then continuing to prove how many fucks you really do give by talking about things they supposedly don’t give a fuck about.”
Something we've seen time and time again is that the nonstens are anti-acceptance. In fact, they’ve existed for years by leaning upon made-up, unsubstantiated theories (no, you are NOT in contact with Nick), or trying to spread rumors and innuendo that are blatantly false (no, Kristen is NOT gay, nor sleeping her way through the Hollywood casting couch circuit). Instead, they work tirelessly to propagate an alliance of like-minded individuals in order to gain more acceptance for themselves. The fact that they are throwing another human being under the bus to forward their vitriolic message is proof enough that these people are not working from a place of happiness (or sanity).
Resistance seems to be their stalwart mantra against the so-called evil PR-doers of the studio and a dearth of other individuals that are on the now-infamous “list.” They claim that they are just being “independent thinkers,” but independent thinking does not always equate with intelligent thinking, especially if it comes from a place of negativity and discontent.
As Carl Jung once said: “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” At this point, the nonnies have construed such a pile of lies and untruths they will likely never be able to find their way out of the stink.
“We create worlds as the natural expression of our being” – Yoga Vasistha
FORGIVENESS vs. UNFORGIVENESS. Happy people know that it’s not healthy to hold on to anger, especially anger of self. What we’ve seen from so many of the nonstens is that anger is like the shadow they can’t get rid of, no matter the time of day. They cling to it and it clings to them, and it’s manifested in such a way that something for any reasonable person would be looked at with mild annoyance to a nonsten becomes the pique which sets off their entire attitude toward life (and vice-versa). They see someone they lust after demonstrating deep emotional feelings towards someone they see as unworthy of those affections, and become unhinged. While they claim not to be jealous of Kristen per se, they are angry at themselves (and the world) for not being in a position where they can be in the kind of relationship that she has. In essence, this anger stems from deep-seated feelings of unworth for not being able to find someone like Rob. It’s not that they covet HIM, but they covet the idea of someone like him in their lives. Kristen has that. They do not. This is a reprehensible idea to them since she reminds them of themselves, and yet, she got the hot guy.
They refuse to “forgive” him for his attachment to her so instead, turn their self-loathing onto her. If Rob can see to it to find deep love in his own life, without their input or influence, why do they insist upon clinging to their anger and not letting go?
The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ― Ernest Hemingway
TRUST vs. DOUBT. This is a big one. In short, happy people trust themselves and the people around them. No matter who it is, they trust first, then become wary only after that person has proven to personally act in a manner that is untrustworthy. Negative people tend to doubt any and everything around them, even themselves. Their life experiences have shown them that people are not to be trusted, that their own poor sense of worth deems them incapable of trust, so they create prejudice without insight, and have a difficult time trusting themselves and their own instincts.
While many call this doubt “independent thinking,” the sources which with they rely upon for this “independent” information are often just as untrustworthy themselves. This has been proven countless times since the fandom started, yet still they persist with this line of reasoning. To do otherwise would mean casting away their doubt and accepting what they don’t want to believe.
What’s particularly hypocritical about this attribute is how damaging it is to Rob. They supposedly “trust” his movie choices and what he wants for his career, they “trust” his choices in music, books, and friends (how many claim to be bffs with Sam, et al), but they can’t or won’t trust his decisions about Kristen and his feelings towards her.
Instead, they prefer to claim that he is the unwitting victim in THE GREATEST MARKETING SCHEME EVER MANUFACTURED BY A MOVIE STUDIO, and (not so) willingly participates in a highly-choreographed dance where every smile, hand-hold and mock toothpick fight is orchestrated by the Summit marketing machine, even when Summit and/or Twilight are literally oceans away. Based upon some of their musings, some seem to think there’s a book somewhere that outlines the specific behaviors Robert and Kristen are to engage in whenever seen out publicly. They are actors, after all. Right?
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor touched but felt in the heart.” Helen Keller
PRAISING vs CRITICIZING. Need we say more? The nonstens’ raison d’etre is to criticize Kristen. Whether her clothes, her car, her hair, her jewelry, what she says in magazines or her genuine demeanor. No matter what, they always – ALWAYS – find fault with her. Likely because they’ve not been welcomed with much praise themselves throughout their own lives.
What happy people do you know that actively seek out reasons to say negative things about another person? Especially about a person they don’t know?
Kristen’s red dress on “Cosmpolis” red carpet? According to some, that’s as bad as wearing white to someone else’s wedding. Never mind the fact that BWAN spotted at least two other ladies wearing red to that same red carpet, so we have to suppose they were just as guilty of that same infraction (quick, someone call Anna Wintour and tell her red is cancelled). What of other female stars who’ve worn red to someone else’s premiere? We’re pretty darn sure had that red dress wearer been Reese or Emilie de
Raven, this wouldn’t even be an issue.
Kristen’s mother was seen in a pic with Rob during the “On the Road” after party. And? Because of that, she’s famewhoring? Never mind the fact that Jules Stewart had her own film at Cannes, and went to the premiere in support of her daughter who had starred (to rave reviews, we might add) in the film that night. We won’t disclose what they like to call MamaStew, but suffice it to say it only proves again they actively seek ways to criticize Kristen, even if it is through criticizing her family, friends or other people in her life (except Rob, of course). Of course, when Rob’s parents show up in Lisbon for “Cosmopolis” events, the nonstens find that perfectly acceptable. Go figure. And they never did have anything to say about Lizzie attending the Snow White and the Huntsman premiere. Huh. Isn’t that convenient?
Of course, the only reaction that they could find for Kristen’s behavior in both the “On The Road” and “Cosmopolis” after-party pics was that a) she was drunk; b) she was stoned; c) she was drunk and stoned; d) she’s a clinger famewhore; e) it was all choreographed for Summit(Lionsgate)/Twilight PR; f) all of the above. Of course, on those same nights, Rob was given far more leeway (although they did get a bit snarly that he deigned to show up at the OTR premiere (PR), and then during the afterparty snuggle (there was no kiss, he knew the paps were there and some DID rationalize that he too had imbibed a little too much beer that night).
Ducking once you notice cameras. Someone tell Rob that's the Anti-PR.
And what of “On The Road” itself? Well, nonnies tumbled with glee with each and every poor review, nearly leading cheering sections of “Na na na na, hey hey hey, good-bye” because some critics failed to engage with the rambling disjointed narrative. Of course, they FAILED to look at those same reviewers who gave Kristen high praise for her gusty, animated performance of MaryLou, some calling her “perfect” for the role. All they saw were the bad reviews and immediately dismissed Kristen.
Happy people. People who don’t subject and succumb to criticism do not act like this. Because it truly is
SELFLESSNESS vs. SELFISHNESS. It’s no real stretch to see that most nonsten motives are selfish in nature. They need Rob to be single, a man whore, and someone who is remotely “available” to them to fulfill their fantasies of him, both romantically and as an actor. His EMOTIONAL attachment to Kristen stands in the way of that and threatens the very foundation upon which their ideology is born. Deep down, the ninnies recognize that Robert would make every sacrifice to be with Kristen, that if push came to shove he would place her above his career and future projects. They don’t want him to succeed and be happy in all aspects of his life as most selfless people would. That if he were with your typical, vapid Hollywood “starlet,” nothing would be more important to him than acting. And that’s what they really want; for him to be theirs, the way THEY want him to be.
They carry specific selfish motives that are fueled by their obsession with the idea that somehow, in some iteration, they are an important part of his life, even if only on the internet. It’s this selfish need to control certain aspects of his life that keeps them clinging to their deluded theories about his own abilities to make decisions for himself.
KINDNESS VS CRUELTY. To quote directly from purposefairy, [Happy People] are kind to themselves and others, and they understand the power of love, self-forgiveness and self-acceptance. We’re not saying by any means we’d expect nonstens to be kind to Kristen, or to even suddenly turn around and declare her “the best actress of her generation,” but it’s obvious based upon their own words and actions that real kindness is something that has been or is lacking in their own lives. What happy people do you know that go around saying the kinds of things they do? What happy people do you know that work so hard to besmirch and put down another person, even if she is a celebrity? We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, they are obsessed – NOT WITH ROB – but with Kristen, and the place she holds in his life.
Their refusal to let go of their self-loathing and forgive those in their own lives who have been cruel or unjust manifests in this self-loathing which they direct at Kristen, if for no other reason than she is an easy target. As one once notoriously tweeted: “I have no sympathy for anyone accept my own children.” That pretty well sums it up in a nutshell.
POSITIVITY vs. NEGATIVITY As noted earlier, this one really seems to be pointing out the obvious. Happy people inherently seek positivity, even when they are facing the greatest of life’s challenges (or what negative people call problems.) They are grateful for what they have and don’t focus on what is lacking in their lives. Negative people allow their negativity to seep into every aspect of their lives, including their work, home and social lives. On the surface, they may experience happy moments; realistically they live in a place where their negative attitudes about themselves seep into everything else, including their attitudes towards others.
We could go on, but the pattern is clear. What looks on the surface to be a simple expression of “I don’t like her” is very obviously a reflection of their deep-seeded hatred of self. Sad, too, as given the right circumstances some of these women could be gracious and wonderful individuals…. Well, maybe that’s going a bit too far, but hey, you never know.
We challenge them, genuinely challenge them, to take one day, just one, and see what life would or could be like if they don’t say something negative about Kristen. Then try two, or three. Or even four (we know that’s likely a stretch). Better yet, take a few minutes and read this - another great purposefairy article - http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/ - and see if letting go of negativity and the need to continually criticize others doesn’t have a positive and meaningful effect on their lives.
Maybe then, they could recognize that love really does prevail over PR.
