Diary of a Mad [insert word here] Woman

Well, friends and fans. The day has finally come. The day we’ve all been waiting for since the very beginning. The ninnies are leaving the ship. And they’re not going quietly.

For those who haven’t been around the past seventy-two hours, here’s a brief recap.

On or about Friday night, word on the twitterverse was that Rob had hightailed it over to Paris to spend time with Kristen, who is over there for Paris Fashion Week, and to spend time with some of her OTR cast mates and director. There was an airport sighting and photo, tweets about Paris, but as often happens with these ninjas, things went quiet until they suddenly weren’t.
Saturday night, the fandom world exploded when photos of Robert and Kristen enjoying a quiet (and cuddly) dinner in a small Paris bistro hit the internet. There were the usual pap photos, but some fan photos, too, photos that showed the two of them being playful and affectionate as they often are with one another.

Immediately, fans of Robert and Kristen’s started their usual happy dancing, while the irrationally Robsessed started chewing on their toenails and any other surface they could find that would give them an outlet for the anger and betrayal they felt for this last demonstration of Rob’s NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cue SUNDAY afternoon, and what do we at BWAN hear? Information  shared by a close colleague with industry ties, describing the barrage being unleashed on Rob’s WME team  as the lunatic fringe decried Rob’s personal life, decisions and choices.  As reported here yesterday, the Ninnies spewed their litany of complaints  --  Rob is throwing away his career to be with Kristen, he should be doing more promotion for Bel Ami, and of course the ever popular “she-will-bring-him-down-because-the-majority-of-fans-don’t-like her.”  Fortunately the good folks at WME have been dealing with this sort of nonsense for years from over-invested (aka deranged) fans  - although as with most things Ninnie, the  high degree of entitlement and low degree of rational thinking put these missives in a class by themselves.

The good news for Ninnies is that their campaign DID get a reaction. The bad news is that reaction can best be summed up by the letters LOL.  Bigtime.

But even as they were making one last desperate attempt to be relevant and assert their ownership over Rob’s career, Ninnie-world was in meltdown as they continued to be pelted with the irrevocable and inarguable evidence that every conspiracy theory, convoluted rationale and out and out lie that they have promulgated over the past few years came crashing down around them.


Now, as we see it, this implosion has been a long time coming. What else would you expect from a side of the fandom that has been so wrapped up in conspiracy and other theories about what is REALLY going on in Rob’s personal and professional life that they could not see reality through the Rob-colored glasses they’ve been sporting since 2009. It’s a classic case of erotomania.

“BUT WHY????” they cry. “HE OWES US ANSWERS!!!!!”
No, he does not.

 “The only thing an actor owes his public is not to bore them” - Marlon Brando

All you owe the public is a good performance.

                                                      - Humphrey Bogart


He does not owe you any explanation for his behavior, any more than he owes anyone a confession that he and Kristen are together.  You CHOSE to be his fan, just as you CHOSE to create and believe in fantasies construed in your own head, and by the lying leaders among you; fantasies that are now unraveling before your very eyes. Well, really they’ve been unraveling for about three years now, but you CHOSE not to see things that way. Don’t say you were not warned.

         
In most instances, being a fan is a one-way relationship. For the lucky few who get to interact or meet their favorite celebrity at an official, sanctioned event, or even for the luckier few who may happen upon him or her during a quiet, more private moment at a restaurant or concert perhaps (we’re not talking about the hotel or set stalkers), there is no exchange of phone numbers, or promises of future time spent together, or offers of work or romantic dates, or anything even remotely resembling these things. There is a nice smile, a hello, perhaps an autograph and a photo, and that’s it. That is what he gives you, and as a HUMAN BEING, he is not obligated to give more than that. In case you haven’t been paying attention, HE HAS A LIFE TO LEAD, AND YOU ARE NOT IN IT.

Despite what the most deluded among you still cling to, there was never a contract for ownership between you and Rob.

THIS DOES NOT EXIST.

Anymore than there has EVER been a contract between Rob and Kristen, and Summit for continuing a public relations romance for going on four years now. In case that’s not clear enough, let’s couch this in language you will hopefully understand:

THERE IS NO CONTRACT!!!!!

So, now here we are at a crossroads, a pinnacle moment in many ninnies’ lives, where they realize that after three or more years of fawning and obsessive devotion to their idol, they realize they just can’t go on because he is not succumbing to their will.

Some of us at BWAN have likened this to Phase 3 in the Elizabeth Kübler-Ross stages of grieving: BARGAINING.

As we see it, most ninnies have been stuck somewhere between DENIAL (aka shock) and ANGER (Phases 1 and 2) for about three years now. What else would compel them to come up with such theories as secret blonde girlfriends (she’s now Italian and a brunette, by the way); PR closets that are stuffed with mustard-colored bags, rings, bracelets, shoestrings, shirts, jackets, and oh… a dog; conspiracy theories at each and every turn (Kristen was in Budapest for work, Summit forced her to go to Remember Me, Rob is Kristen’s beard, Summit pays off all of the media to promote “Robsten,” oh…. and Kristen has her own dog used for PR purposes).

Even as recently as the past 48 hours, new theories have developed: Rob is in Paris to help promote Balenciaga (erm, what?); Rob and Kristen are now out and about because The Hunger Games premiere is coming up and Summit/Lionsgate is sending them out to bring attention to it.

You see where this is going, right? If ninnies were on that side of the nuthouse when they were just in the anger phase, imagine where now they are in the bargaining phase. How else can you explain the email missives to the WME execs? Instead of “God, why are you doing to this?,” they are asking “Rob, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US LOYAL FANS??? WE DESERVE MORE!!”
Part of this bargaining and transition into depression (Phase 4) has taken on quite an eerie tone as fans are starting to turn on Rob in virulent ways. We always knew that their misplaced anger and expression of hatred against Kristen was really disguised as hatred against Rob, but now and finally they are letting their claws come out. Of course, while lots of these folks would claim they are just expressing an “opinion,” we see what could be deemed as slander, if looked at the in right vein.

We’ll let you be the judge.

“Now that he has pissed off even some of the most devoted fans BF [that’s ninny code for Kristen] has achieved what she wanted, he is despised as she is.”

This one obviously hasn’t been paying attention to what directors, co-stars and other industry folk have to say about Rob, which is that he’s organized, hardworking and highly dedicated to his craft. And really, another Twilight? And here we thought you all were ready for him to move away from that.

“It’s clear he isn’t someone able to hold onto jobs because his personality isn’t made for commitment. He was fired from a play in London before he did Twilight. That should be a red flag. Then he needed money and Twilight came. Now he is blowing chances in the filmbiz. Why? Because he is too arrogant and sure of himself in thinking he can pull the same stunt again and get another change like Twilight.”

Here’s one that blames Rob’s management. Of course, WME would know NOTHING about handling an actor’s career. They only have a client roster that includes or has included Robert de Niro, Michael Fassbender, Hugh Jackman, Viggo Mortensen, Tilda Swinton, Emma Thompson, EMMA WATSON (ninnies, we know how you love her), Mark Wahlberg, Denzel Washington, Francis Ford Coppola, David Cronenberg, Walter Salles, Martin Scorsese, Clint Eastwood, and so on and so on.

SHAME ON YOU, WME, SHAME ON YOU for NOT LISTENING TO FANS!!!!!!! THEY KNOW EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!

“…it is hard to believe that he was called the SEXIEST MAN ALIVE, the most influential man of 2010, the next leo di caprio n johnny depp, but instead of building his career seriously, he is engaging himself in pr romance with bitchface… Now he has only sheep left who will only support his twishit movie, he should kiss his career goodbye.”

These two can only explain his wanting to be with Kristen as a sign that he is on drugs.

“It’s his life, his choice. He knows the dangers of doing drink and drugs to excess, and only he can choose to stop or carry on.”

Sadly, we’re pretty sure this kind of discussion will continue to go on with these people for the foreseeable future. Why? Because they don’t understand and refuse to face the reality that while Rob is invested in his career, and does think very highly of his fans as a whole, the line stops there. And instead of moving towards acceptance (remember “where there is acceptance, there is peace”), the ninnies will continue clinging to this irrational anger because like it or not, they simply refuse to break what little connection they feel they have to him.

Our simple advice would be to move on and let go, find something of value to do in life, like, perhaps, open a cupcake shop.


But really, if Rob’s own management won’t listen to silly little them, why should they listen to silly little us.

Oh, and in case you missed it, THIS poor soul REALLY needs some help.

The One That Shocked Us All...

As if the weekend weren’t already filled with fandom insanity, BWAN just received some new information.

According to a fine contact of ours with the William Morris / Endeavor Agency, it seems several staffers, including those in the executive level, are shaking their heads and having a good laugh at the latest ridiculous attempt by the Ninnies to make themselves a relevant part of Rob’s life and career choices.

(This isn’t the first time they’ve written a studio or other Hollywood execs in an attempt to manipulate things.)

In this case, it seems as if frustration over Bel Ami and certain aspects of Rob’s personal life (Paris, anyone?) have become subjects of an email campaign, where ninnies are writing directly to WME, letting them know EXACTLY what is on their psychotic little minds.
.
Among the complaints? How disappointed they are in Rob, how he hasn’t done enough to support Bel Ami, how he is throwing his career away to be with Kristen, and how Kristen is bringing him down because the majority of fans don’t like her with him.

The majority? Really? We at BWAN would venture to guess that the MAJORITY of fans either don’t care or stand firmly in support of Robert and Kristen separately and together, but in the minds of the ninnies, THEIR thoughts are the only ones that matter (even though their ongoing desperate attempts at lies and conspiracy theories have been debunked again and again and again - even by this blog).

As for the above-noted accusations? We’re sure Rob’s team will get right on that - call him home from Paris immediately, forbid him to see Kristen EVER AGAIN, and set up for a round of Bel Ami interviews ASAP!

Nevermind the fact that Rob’s people have NO BEARING whatsoever on what he does in his private life, anymore than a certain studio (*cough* Summit *cough*) has ever held sway in his private life and the people he chooses to spend his time with.

But, but... what of the ironclad PR contract that is absolutely and positively the ONLY reason Rob could ever possibly be with Kristen?

Wouldn’t WME have negotiated that for him??  Even though these kind of contracts are ILLEGAL!!!

Are the Ninnies now saying that Rob is actually acting on his OWN FREE WILL?

That’s certainly what it looks like from team BWAN.

And per usual, they are saying that they don’t care what ROB wants - ONLY WHAT THEY WANT!

We’ve told you from the get-go, YOU DO NOT OWN ROB. ROB drives his own career with advice from his managers and agents, and from the people who are in the business to advise him. He does not care what fans think about his personal life or the people with whom he chooses to spend his free time.
What he wants is to continue building a fan base that will appreciate him for his talent, and will take him seriously as an actor, not just review his films with such erudite epithets as: OMG WE GET TO SEE HIS NAKED ASS!!!!

You hold no sway over him, his actions or his professional or personal decisions, and your continued attempts at interference are met with ridicule and laughter by those closest to him.

We thought it was funny enough when some chose to start a letter-writing campaign to Fox complaining of not wanting Kristen on the red carpet at Water For Elephants, but this is really over the top and crossing a level of absurdity even we at BWAN thought we would never see. (Certainly the WME folks are getting a good chuckle out of it).

So, keep pushing the limits, nonnies!  It IS being noticed - unfortunately not in the way you were hoping - and suffice it to say it won’t make a lick of difference.

It only makes sense that one of the top artist representation companies in the world knows a bit more about how to guide a young actor’s career than a wormy band of misfits whose skills include receptionist, unemployed receptionist, drag-queen makeup artist and several street thugs at large.

We’ll keep you updated if we get any more information.

Until then, gros bisous! Enjoy la vie fantastique!

My Darling Robert,

It’s been a while since last I wrote to you. How are you? WHERE are you? What have you been doing? The only information I seem to have from you these days come from the snippets of gossip I happen to find at the Awful Truth boards or Hollywood Life. Neither really seem to give me a complete picture of what’s been happening, and if we’re being honest, I’m getting a bit distressed.

Afterall, I am your secret girlfriend. And as your secret girlfriend, I have to admit that this really upsets me. I mean, here I’ve been, still “waiting in the rafters” as it were, for what, FOUR YEARS now… continually showering you with support via my private photos, and emails, and texts and letters just like this. Yet, what do I get in return? Nothing, nothing, nothing.

It’s as if I don’t exist.

I mean, all during Breaking Dawn promotion, you were non-stop about Kristen this, or Kristen that, and now that promo is over, I STILL don’t hear anything and it’s as if you and Ms. Grumpypants both have gone spelunking or something for as little as I see or hear about either of you. Are you living in a cave off of the shores of Attu Island? And with that trolling troll?

How could that be? After all this time, it’s been I who has held steadfast in our mutual love. It’s been I who has been here (wherever “here” is depending upon the report) waiting patiently for your return from your contractual obligations with “THAT GIRL.” And it has been I who has had to endure hearing about the pregnancies of first TOM’s girlfriend and now that Jackson person’s, when I was promised a child myself. By you!!!

Truly, I’m starting to worry.

I mean, just because I am “secret” doesn’t mean I’m invisible. Apart from that person seeing us in a London Theatre on a night when it was known you were in L.A., I’ve really been kept under wraps. A girl’s gotta get out and about some time, and preferably with the love of her life on her arm.

Just once, I’d like to see – and be seen – out with you, and in public. I can imagine it now. We stroll side by side outside the Ivy in London or some other noted Theatre district restaurant, and you hold me close, my radiant golden tresses cascading down from where my head rests gently on your big, strong shoulder. Of course, we’ll have called the paps so they can take loads and loads of photos for the morning Sun and OK Magazine.

Sigh.

What I imagine would be nothing like that “sighting” of you and HER from last night, where she goes to some sushi restaurant and you show up AN HOUR LATER! An hour later? Why, are you trying to act like a normal couple? You know, the kind who chooses to meet each other at a selected locale on their way home from work instead of arriving together? Did you get stuck in a meeting, or traffic or something? I mean, aren’t you supposed to make a grand entrance TOGETHER?

I mean, really. And to think this was only your SECOND time out seen together after Breaking Dawn promo has ended. Is that how PR works? For heaven’s sake, the Breaking Dawn DVD comes out this weekend. Surely you could drum up some better publicity than a lame night at an obscure sushi joint.

Next thing you know you want to tell me that you really are a boring individual who prefers to stay in most evenings so you can play your music, or relax with a good book, watch a documentary film and just enjoy a quiet, and private life with your girlfriend.

And what was with those photographs? Surely, if you are in a relationship ONLY for PR as you tell me is the case, then why oh why did you take photos with that girl separately? Why couldn’t you take one together – you know, like a real, genuine PR couple would? And I really think you need to talk to Nick and Steph. Why didn't either one of them call the Paparazzo so that they could take a million and three pictures of you and that girl arriving and departing? Isn't that how PR works??? And why aren’t you smiling? And why are you wearing the same shirt that she was seen photographed in while on the set of that Snow White movie? That’s YOUR shirt, or is it one of the ones you told me came from that closet of stuff that Summit put together for you so you could push your PR relationship.

Kind of like that dog.

It’s bad enough you chose to eat at some unknown little sushi house instead of one of the bigger-named restaurants in town, but now I have to endure separate photos, and shared clothing?

Oh well, at least I can cut out the one with you only and use it to put in the frame on my bedside table.

I suppose I’ll cut my ramblings short for today.

If I don’t hear from you in the next week or so, I hope to see photos of you from Festival Berlinae next weekend. I’ll be scouring the internet for our secret signal. If I don’t see it, maybe you could send an extra message to your aunt. You know, she could write the words “secret” and “girlfriend” in a tag or something. I’ll be on the lookout.

Until then,

Love and kisses and other naughty things I really shouldn’t mention publicly.

Your secret girlfriend.

P.S. I’ve set up a MySpace page in the event you want to contact me there. Under the name Olivia. I’m sure you can find me seeing as how a few of your more devoted and rational fans have already tracked me down. They really are your TRUE fans. I hope you appreciate their efforts to smear your name and make you out to be a money grubbing, spineless asshole get the truth about you, and us, out there to the masses.

With love from Los Angeles London.

Toodles!

Because Sometimes that Horse isn't Dead Yet...

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said - Happy is the hearing man; unhappy the speaking man.


We here at BWAN can see the merits in that train of thought. After all, we certainly do a lot more listening than we do speaking (or blogging, as it were). 


We've already touched on this subject once in our post and numerous times on our twitter, but much like many things in this fandom...some people thought it wasn't enough. We don't see much fairness in other people telling us who we should be blogging about but we digress. 


We've been collectively and individually accused of being Nonberts, Nonstens (not sure how that makes ANY sense to anyone) and a whole slew of other things that are too unimaginative to mention.


Somewhere along the way, Rob gained a small contingent of unhappy followers. Now, we wouldn't call them anything other than a nuisance purely based on their lack of structure and lack of numbers.


We don't ever really have anything to say to them basically because they have nothing of substance for us to work with. They make emotionally based statements about how Rob is a cheater (HO-KAY), Rob isn't good enough (oh, and how would you know?) or essentially wanting him to fail in anything he does (we're oh so certain that Kristen doesn't appreciate her so called "fans" trashing someone she cares about nor disrespecting her judgment and choices). 

However, how many posts can we write about those kinds of statements? What more can we say that everyone doesn't already know? It's not like they have started a nonbert website to make up outlandish conspiracy theories that can be countered with facts and disproved. 

All we can say is that these "fans" are sad individuals who have nothing better to do than sit on their asses and make judgements about a situation and two people that they don't know personally.  

And as we've said to the ninnies before, would these people say these things to Kristen and Robert's face? We certainly don't think they would and IF they did we're positive the response they would receive would make them crawl back into whatever hole of bitterness they live in with shame.   

Because you just don't get it...

It has been brought to our attention that some have misconstrued/twisted our words in ways that make us out to be Rob-Haters. 
We never said that fan support of an actor and his/her film is bad. It's fan support that determines their longevity in their career. We were merely pointing out that it IS wrong when people use anonymizers and proxy servers to fake an IP address. MTV made their voting so it SHOULD be one vote per person/computer. That way, it reflects a somewhat  true account of fan anticipation. When people (and we mean ninnies) cheat and thus over inflating the outcome, it does more harm than good. We're not just talking about one poll here. They aren't manipulating just one thing. So when the time comes and Cosmopolis debuts, what happens when the BO doesn't reflect all of those polls (ie fan anticipation)? Then people start to blame Rob (Remember Me is a PERFECT example of this happening). 
Is it JUST a poll? Yes. But they add up and it factors into a bigger issue than that. 
We don't want people to place Robert (or Kristen) in an unattainable role. SWATH is a completely different story (as is many other movies this year) because it does not rely almost totally on one actor/actress. SWATH, THG, TDK draw several different fanbases. Cosmopolis rests a LOT on Rob and to over inflate those expectations will only do more harm than good. If you can't see that then maybe you need to reexamine your "knowledge" of how the business works. 
Oh, and for the record : If we ever heard of Kristen fans cheating in the same manner, we would absolutely call them to the carpet.    

Narcissistic Personalities to the Rescue...

What’s that? Do you see it? In the air? Flying up from the very depths of Orcland to SAVE THE DAY – and Rob’s career. 

Why, it’s SUPERNINNY!!!!

Yes, fandom, we have our own brand of superhero, here to rescue Rob and his career from ever being stuck in Twi-drudgery, and stuck with Kristen, of course. *winkwink*

You see, ladies and gentlemen (and we know there are at least a few gentlemen who do read this blog), the ninnies have taken it upon themselves to be Rob’s own personal saviors by voting (and voting), and voting, oh, and voting, and voting again, and voting some more, and voting in the morning, at lunch, and even afterhours, in the MTV “Movie Brawl.” Did we mention they are voting? Yes, our faithful readers, these everyday superheroes are expending great amounts of energy, tanked up on copious amounts of Mountain Dew (not Diet), and Venti Quad Shot Double Mocha Lattes – with whip, thank you very much – in order to push Rob and Cosmopolis into victory.

Ta da daaaaaaaaah! (Cue Super Hero music).

THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Too bad at the end of the day it will mean squat.

WHAAAAAAA? Say it ain’t so, BWAN!

You see, this kind of polling really only serves one purpose, which is to generate web hits.
And in reality, it is only attractive to people who feel the need to be validated; that by sitting all day, every day (and we do mean all day, every day), clicking on the Cosmopolis button while watching those voting percentages go up and up and up, gives them the false idea that what they say – and think – matters to the world at large, and more importantly, to Rob.

Here’s something more than a hint: IT DOESN’T.

Now, don’t get us wrong, we’re sure that Rob will be “thrilled”(?) to know that his fans have voted Cosmopolis up the chain against any of these other movies. But let’s face it. We here at BWAN are realists, and we recognize that at the end of the day, and the end of the year, when it comes to the final tally, we’re pretty certain that Dark Knight Rises, The Hunger Games, Breaking Dawn Part 2 and yes, even Snow White and the Huntsman will win where it really matters – AT THE BOX OFFICE.

This has nothing to do with Rob. It does, however, have EVERYTHING to do with reality, and Cronenberg’s record bears this out.

While Cronenberg is a highly-talented director, his fan base remains largely cultish. With the exception of The Fly, none of his films have achieved wide Box Office success (we are NOT saying they weren’t profitable), even though they have been highly praised by critics, and have fared well at awards ceremonies. Such are the pitfalls of indie films (as the ninnies like to remind people time and time and time again when bringing up Kristen’s “failed” acting career. But in those situations, of course, they blame Kristen, and not the independent films themselves). Another ninnie failure.

This made us LOL

It is easy to sit at one’s desk, or on one’s couch, or in one’s bed, and click on a mouse button until you need to file a Worker’s Compensation claim, or call the ER doctor for a sudden case of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, but we have to wonder, will the ninnies go see Cosmopolis as many times as they voted for it? They made fun of certain Twi fans who went and saw Breaking Dawn, Part 1 multiple times (in one tweet we saw someone had gone more than 20 times). And we’re not judging, we’re just wondering if the ninnies are really so invested that they are ready, quite literally, to put their money where their fingers are. If they will support it at the Box Office as much as they seem to be trying to support it on a meaningless poll.

See? Reality.

A deadly little word, really, and a world the ninnies can’t conceptualize because their ideas are so rooted in the fantasy that if they do this “for Rob,” that it will somehow validate him even more and endear THEM to HIM. As if he will miraculously appear on their front doorsteps bearing gifts of Heineken and pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream as a personal “thank you” to each and every one of them. Or maybe send them more “super-seekrit” messages the next time he does a promotional tour. Sorry, folks, ain’t gonna happen.

But let’s get back to polls. We here at BWAN are, shall we say, neutral about polls of this nature. They are MEANINGLESS, and hold no bearing on any actor’s career. Really. All they are is online popularity contests which are often rigged by fans (****GASP****), who go to great extremes (NOOOO!!!), even cheating (US, WHY NEVURRRR!), to make their votes count.

And the poor ninnies fell for this hook, line and sinker. How so? Not only have they been voting all day, every day (see paragraph 3, above), they’ve cheated the system to do so.

Web polls in particular serve one thing and one thing only – to generate web hits. As much as the ninnies feel that Ted Casablanca and other gossip mongers (well, the ones they don’t like, that is) use “Robsten” and stories about Rob and Kristen to generate web hits, they are falling prey to the same kind of media scheming, only this time using movies as a ploy.

MTV knows how popular Rob is. They know how rabid the Twilight (yes, the Twilight) and the Rob fan bases are. They used that to push a poll so they could generate more web hits. And do you know what they’ll do with that data? They’ll take it straight to their advertizing departments and say “GO FORTH, SELL MORE, RAISE OUR RATES!!! Did you see how many votes we got from the crazies?”

So see, ninnies? The only REAL impact you are having here is on MTV’s bottom line. Real effective, don’t you think?

Now, we’re not here to put down the hopes of the other Rob fans (yes, @edassx we ARE talking to you). We are by no means disparaging those individuals who feel the need to go on and throw in a vote here and there for the sake of Rob and Cosmopolis. That is support.

But the false campaigning led by the ninnies on behalf of “Rob,” and the manipulating of the system by using proxy servers and other means to get past the IP address voting limitation blocks set by MTV bears that out. Why, the ninnies have even been actively recruiting people from other fandoms to vote for Rob. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And the ninnies have proven themselves as desperate as they can get.

And it’s not just all about Rob, but Kristen, as well.

You see, many are motivated as much by their adulation of Rob as they are by their dislike of Kristen.
How do we know this? The proof is in the polling.

In Round 1 of the MTV poll, they put on their Cedric Diggory quidditch Jerseys and clamored over to the Harry Potter fandom to vote for Woman in Black OVER Snow White and the Huntsman. Why? So they could get “that girl” out of the way. In their world, the more they can push “her” and “Twi” out of his life, the better it will be for HIS career. Of course, they are ONLY looking out for Rob’s best interests, being the super-hero fans that they are, of course.

We’re frankly surprised that they didn’t get all Darth Maul on us and push Phantom Menace over Breaking Dawn, Part 2, but perhaps the greater Twilight fandom persevered just this once.

In Round 2, the campaign began in earnest, when Cosmopolis, which had beaten Bel Ami in its first round (really, in this case that’s like choosing between Nutella with Strawberries and Nutella with a banana), faced Breaking Dawn, Part 2. Oops.

You see, this is where the “real” Rob fans donned their superhero cloaks and chanted “down with Twilight,” “down with that girl!” “Real Rob fans vote for Cosmopolis!” “Real Rob fans want to see his future, not see him chained to his past.” “Vote for anything that doesn’t have Kristen in it.”

Funny, we always thought “REAL ROB FANS” would be fans who support all of his work, regardless who his co-stars are, AND in spite of the fact that if it were NOT for Twilight, we likely wouldn’t even have a Rob IN Cosmopolis. But alas, we digress.

So, the delusions set in – and as the desperation grew, so did the ninnies’ attempts to outwit the system. Cue the aforementioned proxy servers. See?

In Round 3, the semi-finals, after rhapsodizing victorious in their win over Breaking Dawn, Part 2, ninnies took to the proxy servers again, working to recruit fans of other fan bases to see Cosmopolis topple Metropolis itself in Dark Knight Returns, and by nearly a 2-to-1 margin. What does this show? That either the Batman fanboys really don’t care (we’re certainly sure they’re not the ninnies’ color of desperate), or that the ninnies have WAAAAAAY too much time on their hands. In a normal year, and with a “normal” fanbase, we’d say this race would have been much closer.

So, here we are in the final round, with results, as of this writing at a near neck and neck. Cosmopolis stands at 49.17% and The Hunger Games stands at 50.83%. And we’re willing to bet, proxy servers be damned, that Cosmopolis continues to eek up in the percentages. Why?

Because, the NINNIES ARE HERE TO SAVE THE DAY.

In the end, sadly, it will garner them nothing.

The ONLY thing they do is give the voters a false sense of power if their “choice” happens to win. Rob will not win an Oscar because ninnies pushed a button (or two, or three, or 924). Rob will not be lauded by critics for his work because nonstens took it upon themselves to vote “that girl” out of his career.

So, like countless victories before it, after the dust is settled, and the fizz is long gone from the Boone’s Farm Sparkling Wine bottles, this victory will be short-lived and empty. But they’ll trudge on, basking in the glow of whatever it is they really think they accomplished, trying to force Rob’s career forward rather than letting it happen organically as it should.

So, keep voting away. At least you’ll have some false satisfaction in that, even if reality is much, much different.

Oh. P.S. Did BWAN vote, you may ask? Well, to be perfectly honest, some of us did and some of us didn’t. Some will call us bad “fans” for not voting and others will lump us into some twisted ninnie version of a sheep infested shipperdom. Sheep. Ships. Except we see no Shepard over here. Nor do we see anyone wearing a captains hat. Unless we look to the ninnies. They have (lying) Shepard's aplenty. And a very hostile Captain.

Love,

The Flaming Cunts

Oh So Scent-sational!

We hope you are enjoying a fabulous 2012 so far. We know we certainly are, especially now with the news that Kristen is going to be the face of a new Balenciaga fragrance that will launch in Fall of 2012.

Of course, any great news for Kristen only means one thing, right? The ninnies are at it again. That’s right! Poor ninnies just can’t stand to see Kristen succeed. It’s as if they want her to disappear into obscurity and not be heard from again. Who else besides a select number of Harry Potter fans would spend so much time on the MTV Movie website voting for “The Woman in Black” over “Snow White and the Huntsman” as the most-anticipated Summer movie of 2012?

The same women, calling themselves Rob’s “real” fans, who are voting (and we mean over and over and over again) for Cosmopolis over Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 2 in the same poll. Why? For the sole purpose of eradicating Kristen from their lives. We would think that any “real” fan would be supportive of ALL of Rob’s work – but that sense of logic doesn’t fly in ninniland, where they are obsessed more with Kristen and tearing her down than they are with their supposed adoration of Rob himself. Of course, Bel Ami and Cosmopolis are both laden with sex, so any film that gives them even a glimpse into what they are missing in their own lives (and what Kristen gets to experience on a regular basis), even if they objectify Rob in the process, is okay by their book.

So, let’s go back to Kristen and Balenciaga, shall we?

Personally, we think this is a fantastic choice for her. Why? Because Balenciaga imbues all that is “right” with forward-thinking fashion today. It is a design house known for clean, linear shapes trimmed with soft femininity, a combination of elegance and edge that fits Kristen perfectly, or maybe she fits it perfectly.

In describing why Stewart was their selection for the face of the new fragrance, Balenciaga creative director Nicolas Ghesquière noted that “Kristen embodies the modernity of the new Balenciaga fragrance with her unique sensibility and intelligence.”

In our book (and in our marketing and public relations experience), this is perfect branding.
Poor ninnies still don’t get it, however. (Do they ever?)

They decry Kristen by calling her a fame whore and a sell-out. How is lending your likeness for the promotion of an internationally-renown, high-end fashion house considered being a fame whore? Last we checked, fame whores were the ones who star in their own reality series about their supposed “exploits,” selling their marriages and divorces to People Magazine, or release love songs co-written with their new husbands on the day of the premiere of the movie in which they acted. Fame whores are NOT people who avoid the press in an effort to maintain some kind of sanity and balance in their lives.
As for being a sell-out? This isn’t Bath and Body Works here. She’s not promoting “Twilight Meadow” with Bella all over the packaging, or creating her own branded fragrance “Kristen,” à la Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears or Justin Bieber.

Instead, Kristen is following in the footsteps of other internationally-acclaimed actresses (Oscar winners among them) who have been fortunate enough to be selected to represent some of the top fashion houses in the world.

We don’t know about the ninnies, but we’d say that Kristen is keeping awfully good company considering the list of beautiful and dynamic women above. To say that she is a sell-out, even as an independent “spirit,” is to say that each and every one of the fashion icons listed above is a sell-out as well.

Even the ninny-adored Emma Watson is the new face for international cosmetics giant Lancôme; a branding mismatch in our opinion. No offense to Emma, we just feel she would have been better served by a younger, fresher line like Burberrys, or something a bit more off-chart, like Stila. Lancôme is a bit, well, middle aged.

The fact that Kristen is only the second face to represent a Balenciaga fragrance line (the first being French musician and actress Charlotte Gainsbourg) speaks volumes about the INDUSTRY’S faith in Kristen as a brand ambassador.

Ninnies seem under the impression, however, that Kristen’s selecting to align herself with a brand so internationally known reeks of hypocrisy, given the fact Kristen has for many years clung fervently to her privacy.

Do those other actresses above not also value their private lives? Do they not also seclude themselves from the public as much as possible, and try to embrace as much “normalcy” as they can, given the very public nature of their chosen vocation?

Why is Kristen any different from these? Why is she put down and lambasted for her actions, while the others are not? Because she is different? Because she doesn’t fit into their pre-determined (and grossly shallow) idea of what a “Hollywood fakester” is supposed to be. She is a real person, with real dreams and a real career. And unlike ninnies who seem perpetually stuck on Bitter Pill Mountain, Kristen is demonstrating growth and change by taking the Balenciaga job. She is not just growing as an individual, but is embracing her womanhood in the process.

When she was still a teenager, it was very likely she would have eschewed this offer or any similar to it. The fact that she is learning to embrace change and grow as a person shows that she is becoming more comfortable in her own skin. This is an attribute to be applauded, not stultified.

What ninnies fail to understand is that there is a fundamental difference between taking an offer such as the Balenciaga deal, and farming yourself out for a cheap, more pedestrian brand found only in your corner pharmacy.

They don’t understand that Balenciaga approached HER, after what we can assure was very diligent selection process. There are potentially millions of dollars at stake with these kinds of branding campaigns, and decisions are not taken lightly. Brands thoroughly vet possible candidates and conduct scrupulous marketing research to ensure that their investment will reap the anticipated return.

In the fashion industry, the selection is part art, part science. High fashion demands a face for the brand which not only fits what they represent in their own design aesthetic and personality, but also appeals to the demographic to which they are marketing. Most companies want to make sure that the “fit” is a good one, and will ensure a mutually-beneficial relationship. While it is about money, it’s just as much about image and the ability to convey a strong brand message. And not just anyone can sell the Balenciaga brand.

So, sit back, enjoy life and embrace the scent-sational future ahead.